It’s just … different. Normally you say your goodbyes, and all you have to think about is the next time you’ll visit one another. You recount the good times you just had during the visit, and you’re sad about how long it will be before the next one. And that’s the end of it. This time, it’s just … different. Ask anyone who lives in Israel, and has left the country for even a weekend away since Oct. 7. Ask them how it feels to return home and they’ll likely tell you it’s … different. It’s complicated. Emotions are mixed.Ìý

You miss Israel, you love Israel, you hate the government, you love the government (okay maybe that’s a stretch), you need the war, you hate the war, you are proud to fight, you are scared to fight, you hate the Palestinians, you mourn for the Palestinians. And yes, I’m likely projecting much of how I feel, living here in the Diaspora of the United States. I worry about Israel, and I worry about my family and friends who are there, while they also ironically worry about us here.

When Adi’s brother Adam came for a visit with his son Malachi, one of the first questions he asked us was if it was safe to wear a kippah in Disneyland. The guy just released from the Israeli Reserve duty, needed to know if his Judaism could be safely on display at the Happiest Place on Earth. We assured him that anything could happen, but that our experiences (including recently) at Disney were as warm and friendly (and expensive) as ever, and we had no negative experiences with ME wearing my kippah. In fact, when we visited California Adventure during this past Hanukkah, they were playing 91´«Ã½ holiday music in Hebrew on the loudspeakers! And true to form, we had no ugly encounters. But that’s not to say it isn’t happening far more frequently on the streets and campuses, and they are seeing that in Israel, and feeling sorry for the U.S.

At the same time, it’s scary watching Adam return, and his own feelings of safety and security have been heavily compromised. He lives in the North, in the gorgeous area near Tsfat. He’s a tour guide there, used to giving tours to happy visitors of all nationalities and religions. Birthright trips full of college kids hooking up with one another while also learning about the land and history. But now instead of tourism, there are rockets being mostly intercepted by the Iron Dome. Instead of lullabyes, there are emergency sirens. Instead of warm beds, there are children sleeping on the floor of the master bedroom, as their sense of security and safety has been infiltrated. With every online message of support from abroad come two (sometimes) anonymous messsages of hatred.

Until now, the war has mostly been in the South, where all we talk about is Gaza. But as things wind down there, and Hamas will hopefully be physically (if not ideologically) destroyed, there’s Iran’s proxy of Hezbollah in the North Israel has to worry about. They have more money, more backing, more of an organized infrastructure, more and better weapons, and some speculate an even more advanced terror tunnel system. That’s the north. That’s close to where Tsfat is. That’s where tons of rockets are already being fired. A day after he returned, 50 rockets landed in Meron, just a 10 minute drive away.Ìý

As Israel watches its allies in the U.S. and the rest of the world grow weary of the conflict, the war may be shifting from one region that wishes to kill Jews, to another. Apparently the world believes in self-defense, but only to a point. If any Western country was attacked incessantly, with a stated goal of eradicating that country of its citizens, few would say a word until that threat was eliminated. When the same happens to Israel, many turn the victim into the oppressor, and those who realize that Israel must defend itself, also insist it end as soon as their political leaders determine it is hurting their own cause. It may have taken 6 years to defeat Germany and Japan, but if it takes 6 months to defeat Hamas, we’ll say you’re using excessive force, and causing a humanitarian crisis. Apparently the allied powers of WWII didn’t cause a humanitarian crisis when they bombed the world into the ground to stop the Axis powers. All those farmers and civilians from occupied France to Germany itself, must have just loved being in a warzone, and losing their homes, and members of their family to “collateral damage”. Nobody ever looks back at WWII, and says we should have stopped fighting before we captured and destroyed the Nazis. But I digress …

Normally we say goodbye to our loved ones, as they fly back to their normal lives, but what is normal about the lives they fly back to at this moment in time? I pray for my friends and family in Israel, and I pray for a swift end to this war, but not before those trying to kill them are no longer a threat to their safety.

Boaz Hepner works as a Registered Nurse in Saint John’s Health Center. He moonlights as a columnist, where his focuses are on health, and Israel, including his Chosen Links section of the Journal.Ìý